Yeah. Do we want to do one more question? Let's do one more question. Yeah, let's do one more question. This will be kind of part two of this episode where we are drinking whiskey. Um my whiskey cocktail is almost done. It's just rosemary now, but it was great. How was it? Yeah, this is really really good. It's very easy to drink. It's Yeah, just like got to be careful with this one. I think that's the problem. Okay, so I had a question from someone. I'm just trying deciding which one of these to pick to ask. Um, it's a coaching question. Another coaching question. Yay. I'm also just I just have to interject and say I think I'm amused that I feel like part two we do so many part twos and I wonder if people can tell that we're like deeper into our cocktails in the part two than we ever are in the part ones. We're sure you're you can't tell. No, of course not. Every other week, we start slurring a little bit. We're a little looser. My face gets red. The the types of stories we share are a little bit more embarrassing. I don't know. I think the most embarrassing things I've shared was during our sober week. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. Yeah, that was amazing. Anyway, sorry. It's a coaching question. So, this is going to be a very unfiltered answer, I think. Okay. What skill do new coaches not have but should prioritize learning? Oo,
okay. I might change my mind about this, but the first thing that comes to mind is like self coaching. M um I think a lot of new coaches in my experience and myself included when I was a new coach um would focus a lot on like their niche or like business structure or like freaking out over getting clients. Um, and that led them to do a spend a lot of time on work that in my opinion like doesn't really matter that I pledge in the long run and probably will change. Um, and I think if I had spent that time, and by self- coaching, I don't mean like anything, I don't mean, there's not necessarily a formula to that, but I think like fundamentally taking a look at yourself, examining like where your growth edge is and leaning into that and getting curious about why you're not doing like taking more action. I think if I had done that more, I probably would have like seen much more growth and it probably would have led to the other things falling into place more. Yeah. And it completely changed my mind as I think about this more. But let's hear yours. I think it's fair. It's so funny because I was going to say the opposite of that. I was like, marketing, I love it. They should learn. But I'll I'll give the caveat because I I do agree with you. Um, I have been a guinea pig for lots of new coaches and you know, you should just coach as many people as you can. Um, like the I think the issue with anything that we're doing when we're new is that much of the focus is going to be on you and your own self-criticism. Like it's going to be you judging yourself and evaluating yourself. I think a skill is like presence. Like I think I think every new coach could learn how to meditate and that would be amazing. Um being with your own mind and your own experience in a very present and awake state so that you can do that with a client because I had this experience even like a couple weeks ago with someone who I was coaching and I was like, I've given this person so many tools and the thing that they always come back to, the thing that they always thank me for is that they were able to tell me things they hadn't told other people and have me receive it with just like an open even just like an open affect. Mhm. when we're new, we're like the technique, the tools, all the the doing. I've got to like prove myself. But it it's interesting because so much of that becomes like about whatever you think your job is and what you think you're supposed to do. And it's less you're less open maybe to experiencing the client. Mhm. So I kind I know I'm like picking two things, but with marketing is where you can like work out the tools and you can share the tools and you can share your process, share your experience, talk about how you help people or yourself or yourself. Yep. Like if you don't have clients, talk about I like to approach everything like a writer. I'm like every terrible thing that happens to me I'm like what's the little gift from the universe here? if I was going to write this as a story, what what's happening? Like there's some juicy nuggets in there. Um but even like your marketing can be like a form of self- coaching. That's what I used to do for my marketing for a really long time. Y because it shows yes, I'm a person. I'm going through a thing. I'm working on myself. And then you can practice your presence of mind. Yeah. I love that. That's so I cheated though. I think I picked like four things. I'm gonna pick more. So, too bad. Shouldn't have done this question in part two. Sorry, listener. Um, okay. Yes. And I want to I also want to clarify because I think there is I kind of hate my initial answer now, even though I still kind of agree with it. But here's the part that I hate about it because I do think a lot of new coaches spend a lot of time thinking about things and not doing them which then they justify as self- coaching. And I want to be very clear I that is not self- coaching. That's like hiding with and calling it self coaching. That's like ruminating and calling it self coaching. So I I just need that caveat to like be bolded and underlined and highlighted. I think the actually the part of the reason why I say self coaching is because I do think like that's honestly 90% of my marketing is like self- coaching or self-curiosity or self- inquisitiveness that I learn from and then share and develop like tools around. So that is yeah so like there's that and then I think to your presence point um in co like in when you are in the coaching room or zoom room or whatever I think one skill that more coaches could cultivate in addition to presence is like spending more time and energy paying attention to the client than they are to themselves. Yeah. Cuz when I started out coaching, I was like always in my head, always like, "Oh, why did I ask that? Oh, that was the wrong question. Oh no, am I like being weird right now? What should I say next? What should I do?" And all of that like internal monologue was pulling me away from the client. I wasn't like paying attention to them. I can't do two things at once. So I think any like any opportunity if you notice yourself doing that in a session shift to okay what's up with a client right now and that'll instantly like bring you around to the key like the presence that Erin is talking about so that I think outside of the coaching relationship I think self co like true self coaching and marketing self coaching which you're saying I think I just want to make sure I'm following True self- coaching which leads to movement. Movement. Six hours of self coaching and calling it a workday. Yes. Yes. Beautifully said. Yeah. If it's not leading to movement of some kind or like intentional stillness, which I think can be a form of movement in a way. Um but like if it if it's not that that's that's not really self coaching. That's something to dig into why that's happening. Um, yeah, absolutely. That's so good. Oh, I love it.
You said something and I'm like trying to Oh, it was I know what it was about. It was about rupture and repair. Like, wait, I was in my head. I was thinking about what I wanted to say. Okay. So, something that really helped me with this because I know even though you just articulated this very beautiful helpful gift, someone will hear that and because of their own oh judgmental nature, they will say, "Oh my god, I'm not present enough with my client. I've got to zoom in." I learned this thing. I have no idea what the study is. Um, if someone asks me, I can probably find it, but I learned this from Bonnie Badnock, who I took a class called spir uh therapy as a spiritual practice. I'm not a therapist, but I like I really love her and she is she's a master of presence. But she was talking about how there are studies that say our ability to be present like if if all factors are good, we can only actually be present 35% of the time. Wow. Again, I don't I don't know like where that study comes from, but I was like, let's just say that's 100% true as a thought experiment. So if we can only be present with each other or in the world 35% of the time, even with meditation, even with yoga, even with doing what we do for a living, that means the rest of the time we are in either rupture, where our attention is somewhere else, or repair, where we're like, "Oh [ __ ] I didn't hear the last thing that Elena said, and I because I was thinking and now I need to plug back in." Uhhuh. It means that in the coaching relationship and in any relationship, you have to be a master of that of taking care of the repair because you're going to spend so much more time in that rupture repair space. And how we do that is how we like care for ourselves, how we care for others, how we care for relationships. And that brought me so much relief hearing that
because it's like, you know, I I I was part of a meditation community for a long time. I was a yoga teacher for a long time. And I'm like, what's wrong with me? Do I have ADHD? I'm like, maybe we all have ADHD at this point. Like, the world is not really five minute TV shows are are on YouTube. Like, how are we supposed to pay attention when there's constant stimulus? Um, I don't mean that actually. Like, I know that it's a Yes, of course. We believe. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that drunkenly, not not lightly. Yes. But podcast, you're doing well. My drink is done. And we're almost done, too. But I was like, if that's how it is, then what I need to actually get better at is the repair part is noticing the rupture and coming back to with ease, with grace, with gentleness. Because if if I can be present maximum 35% of the time and then I'm berating myself the rest of the time, there's no way I can actually be with anyone, including myself. Yes. So beautifully said. I will look if someone asks me and reminds me I will look up the direct thing. But she has a beautiful way of explaining it. And I loved hearing that. I think I actually cried when she said that. I was like, "Oh, thank God." It's such a permission slip. Yeah. Because we do like it's so easy to make yourself wrong for being human. Yeah. You we are coaches that we are also human and and we are also human. And I don't think that's a butt as though like and I think that what I love about that I that concept is it actually it doesn't make it doesn't like soften the blow of being human. It's actually saying like there's beauty in being human with another person as a coach because it's not just that like oh it's okay you know you should try and be as present as possible but like you know it's human to not be. It's saying there's actually closeness to be found in the rupture and repair process. That's how we build closer relationships. That how that's how we build trust. I think we could we should probably do an episode on rupture and repair actually. I think that would be really interesting. Oh yeah. Because you know all the things about I do. Do I? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you're an expert in this. Oh maybe. I don't know like about the the theoretical piece so much, but we could definitely do an episode. If people want to hear it, you can tell us. Tell us what you want to hear. We'll tell us what you want to hear. Yeah. I wanted to say one other thing to add a little bit more. um practical tools to the idea of like spending more time paying attention to the client than yourself. This is something I I have a parallel to this in coaching creatives, but like if you notice you're in a session and you're in your head, you don't have to like do anything big to rectify it. You don't have to backtrack. You don't have to beat yourself up for it. All you have to do is like find something to be curious about in the other person. Yeah, that's literally it. So, it's not like a huge muscle that you have to build. It's literally just like developing the shortorthhand with yourself that you notice if I'm in my head, okay, first of all, just like notice when I'm in my head, when I'm judging myself or thinking about something, and then find something to be curious about in what they just said. And same goes for um like writing or creative practices. If you're feeling a lot of like heaviness around it or you're feeling blocked around it, literally all you have to do is just find something to be curious about and that'll create movement. Yeah. Our our our minds are like problem-solving experts and you can just like give me a little puzzle to solve. Yep. Also, I think like even naming the repair sometimes or the rupture sometimes is like really helpful with clients and you can just say, "Wait, I want to go back to what you just not to backtrack, but like say what you just said again. Tell me what that feels like for you." Yep. Because sometimes your own body will check out based on your own stuff. Your mind will check out based on like, you know, your own experiences. But sometimes like focusing in when you like using your body a little bit as a barometer with other people and just like there was a gap when you said that and I went somewhere else. What what was that like for you? Yes. Yeah. You can never go wrong just asking the client like how they're feeling or what they're experiencing in any given moment. Yep. Yeah. How can people find you? We forgot to like do this last time. We're see this is how bad at marketing not we're not bad at marketing. We're both really good at marketing, but this is not the point of our podcast. So, we forget sometimes to plug ourselves, which is so silly because we're very clearly awesome. And we don't drink on client calls, people. We absolutely do not. I think feel like I only drink on these podcast. I'm sorry. I'm like, we have to stop this podcast. That's why we're doing two episodes because I like to I want to give Elena uh two weeks. She has for my liver to recover. No, Erin, literally. So, we we choose a new um spirit every every episode and like last week I think we did um or last time we did Jin and I got like the little teeny tiny gin cuz I have nothing in my liquor. I don't have a liquor cabinet but in my metaphorical liquor cabinet. But now I'm I have rum now and whiskey. So when we get around to revisiting those, I'll have some to. Anyway, how can you find me? Um my my website is coachingwith elena.com. You can find me on Instagram, elena mccernan, and feel free to like shoot me an email at elena [email protected] as well. Yeah. And if you send her topics and questions and all the good things, I'm much worse at asking people to send me things apparently, but I got some and I have some for next time. But please let us know what you want us to talk about. We will share our opinions, not definitive answers. You can find we'll say one thing and then you'll see us work our opinions out in real time and then we'll come to a completely different conclusion. Which I kind of wish that more of the world could just have flexible thinking like that. Maybe we all need to have a cocktail together. Maybe. Or a mocktail. Or a mocktail. Or chamomile tea. Yeah. Chamomile tea. I think chamomile tea for the world would be Oh, amazing. Yes. Yes. Okay. Erin, how do people find you? Yes. The podcast is buperbound.com/coachingmixer. That is where it's living right now until further notice. But if you're on the Super Abound website, you can find out all the things that I'm up to and my like businessy podcast and my book. I was like, "Oh, I have a book." No, I don't have a book. That's a picture of the book. Oh, but you have a book called Superbound. Yes, you can buy that anywhere. It's all over. Wherever you buy a book online, you can buy Superbound. Love it. You also I don't know if you have a minute but like you're launching something right? Yes, I am always launching something. Okay. Okay. Very I'm actually this is this is a total experiment like what you were talking about. Yes. It's brand new. It's something I've never done before. It's something that I've been asked to do for a couple of years. basically for brand new like entrepreneurs or people who just have a business pivot idea but like want to work that out in a space with some guidance, some support. Um, amazing. One of my superpowers is I am a content whisperer, which I know you are as well. Sometimes it really helps to have someone who's done this for a while help you with your pricing and your marketing and all this stuff. So, if you're interested in that, if you don't have a business, but you want to, I can possibly help you with that with that program. Amazing. Yes. And truly, like I we did not plan this ahead of time to talk about this, but I just want to underscore how br what a brilliant business mind you have. And like Erin is someone who she weaves so deafly between disciplines. So like she can provide emotional thought cognitive support, but she can also hold space beautifully and she can also do like strategy stuff. So, it's like a one-stop shop for you. That is that is the attempt. I want people to not have to have 15 different coaches ideally if they have a business. So, amazing. Trying my best to be all the things. Yeah. I can't wait to hear what you are like, what the cocoon will reveal. Well, listen. Me too. Me too. Maybe we'll we should we should that's what we should do. We originally had intended to coach each other while drinking and then we haven't done that yet. But maybe next time. Oh my god. I can coach you on it. That would be amazing. Let me know. Okay. All right. Thanks everybody for listening.
